FAQ - for the confused and dispirited.

"Why Turdpolishers, it sounds gay!"

I decided to coin the phrase "Turd Polishers" after watching the 1983 Stephen King / John Carpenter film "Christine", about a demonic possessed car. In the film there is a character called Old Man Darnell who runs his own wrecking yard called "Darnells DIY", which is the yard where the main character works on his car.

One quote from the film inspired the phrase and it's the bit where Old Man Darnell says...

"Lookit that Zeke, he's got brand new wipers on a busted windshield. You know what I always say? You can't polish a turd!"

It struck me as a deeply philosophical thing for someone to say and made me think about the hordes of badly customized cars I've seen around the world. Basically if you start off with a pile of shit, no amount of tarting up, polishing, body-kitting or customization is going to change the fact that underneath it all there's still the original turd.

"Don't people get offended when you slag their pride and joy off?"

Some do, some don't. OK more do than don't but I'm thick skinned and I don't care. We live in a free world, we defeated the Luftwaffe so we can say what we want. You can say I'm bald fat and ugly, I can say your car looks like a bastardised cross between a Transformer Robot and a toaster. OK? All I can say is that it's definitely a MAN thing...

"What are Riceboys?"

Riceboys is a phrase used in the US mainly to describe Turd Polishers who take bog-standard japanese production cars and try to turn them into monstrous street racing machines. For some reason these guys always seem to pick the Honda Civic for their endeavours (doesn't seem to matter which model, but Civics are by far the most popular Riced car over there!)

"What is a Ned?"

A Ned is typically male, 18-25, has a baseball cap glued firmly to their shaven head (ahem!), listens to loud music constantly 24/7 (so they are tone deaf - music taste doesn't matter as long as the bass makes their speakers fart), they usually borrow their mum's 1.1 Vauxhall Nova and drive around town in it, trying to look cool and attract members of the opposite sex. Those old enough to drink will only drink fizzy lager from straight glasses. Spends all weekend in Halfords.

"Who's the mysterious 'Kev'"

Kev's an esteemed colleague who is also taking part in the quest to rid the roads of scum and villainy, with the aid of his trusty sidekick - a much modified Mini which could probably destroy most of the cars on this site just with its bass speakers...! He is usually found displaying his pride and joy at car shows (where he also undertakes sneaky photography of any passing turdracers to stick on this site!)

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